Shit

I passed out. And had to eat. Somewhat a lot. This trip is going to end in 5 days so I think I will just eat "normally" (a.k.a. as a pig) for the next 5 days and deal with it as soon as I come back home.

Do you guys agree with it? Do you have any suggestions? Tips?

I am back

So... I became depressed and started eating like a pig, which caused my weight to get to 141 pounds. Then I realized how HORRIBLE I was starting to look and begun a new diet. 

Currently I am traveling with two friends so it is really hard to avoid eating without them noticing, but nevertheless I managed to lose 8 pounds in 5 days. I know it isn't a record, but hey! It's the best I could do under the circumstances. 

I have been eating a meal a day, always dinner for various reasons:

1) I need to eat at least once or they will find it odd.

2) If I go without eating 'till the night then there are no other times to eat. If I ate at lunch I would feel more tempted to eat at dinner again.

I hope I can start fasting soon, though. Cant wait 'till this trip is over! 

Oh and btw: my current goal is 110 pounds.

I fucking suck.

Fasted today. Zero food!

Trying to fast tomorrow too... let's see how it goes!

The Reason

He doesn't love me because I am fat. 
Because I am hideous. 
Because I am fat. 


But that is going to change!

I gain instead of lose. 
I am a train wreck!

I binged.

i am horrible. i am a monster. i am fat. i look ugly. i am hideous. i am nasty. i hate myself. i am horrible. i am a monster. i am fat. i look ugly. i am hideous. i am nasty. i hate myself. i am horrible. i am a monster. i am fat. i look ugly. i am hideous. i am nasty. i hate myself. i am horrible. i am a monster. i am fat. i look ugly. i am hideous. i am nasty. i hate myself. i am horrible. i am a monster. i am fat. i look ugly. i am hideous. i am nasty. i hate myself. i am horrible. i am a monster. i am fat. i look ugly. i am hideous. i am nasty. i hate myself. i am horrible. i am a monster. i am fat. i look ugly. i am hideous. i am nasty. i hate myself. i am horrible. i am a monster. i am fat. i look ugly. i am hideous. i am nasty. i hate myself. i am horrible. i am a monster. i am fat. i look ugly. i am hideous. i am nasty. i hate myself. i am horrible. i am a monster. i am fat. i look ugly. i am hideous. i am nasty. i hate myself. i am horrible. i am a monster. i am fat. i look ugly. i am hideous. i am nasty. i hate myself. i am horrible. i am a monster. i am fat. i look ugly. i am hideous. i am nasty. i hate myself. i am horrible. i am a monster. i am fat. i look ugly. i am hideous. i am nasty. i hate myself. 

I can't believe this!

So... I found out that tea actually has calories in it. Not many, like from 2-5, but still. I feel completely misled! Guess yesterday wasn't a zero cal day after all! Neither will today be, since I've already drunk tea. Damn it!

From tomorrow on, I'm

only drinking water!

DAY 3

A little morning hunger, but I'm over it already. Unfortunately if I want to eat somthing I have to wait for dinner, when I have to sit with my family around the table! 

Goal: fast or 100 cal max (in vegetables, fruit and such!)

Success!

Day 1: 50 cal

Day 2: fasting

Tomorrow I am thinking about intaking between 50-100 cal, but I'll fast if I don't feel hungry. Drinking a lot of water/tea really is the trick. I've been drinking at least 1 litre of water everyday, sometimes more. It keeps my stomach full, and the urge of picking up something and shoving it in my mouth under control. 

Talk to you girls tomorrow,

KEEP STRONG!!

Lots of love

xx

Mischievous me, teehee!

Awake for 12 hours, and no food in this mouth. Also, arranged things so that my family thinks I am having dinner with my boyfriend, while my boyfriend thinks he is picking me up after a family's dinner! :)) 

If I don't screw things up before bed, today will be one successful fasting day!

THIS CAN SEEM VERY STUPID BUT...

Is it really true that you can GAIN WEIGHT 

by SMELLING FOOD?

(It seems completely unrealistic, I know, but Google is telling me that it is possible! WTF!)

DAY 2

Let's see how it goes. The goal is fasting, but I might have to eat something during dinner again... Fortunately my mom is going away to San Diego for 5 days, from Wednesday to Monday, and no one else cooks in this house. Lets just hope that this means each one of us will be on our own, instead of meaning that my dad will take us to a pizza place everynight!

I am so nervous for my AP Environmental Test tomorrow!

Dinner with family

- Two pieces of grilled squash.
I don't think it got to like, 50 cal, so it's totally fine.

My excuse: already ate with my friend.

Awesome!

So far so good. 

Fasting is going great!

I am sorry

I know I have been gone for a while. Things got pretty crazy lately. But I am back on track. From now until June 15 there will be little to no food in this mouth. Why June 15? Because that is in a month and a half, and I thought that was a pretty good deadline to start with. So between now and then it will be fasting or 250 cal days everyday. I am highly motivated, and super determined. Watch me lose all this fat girls. Just watch me!

The Scale

Today it says 130lbs. I think it might have been right yesterday... Thank God I fasted. And I am fasting again today. My sister is baking cookies, but I am leaving for the library before they are ready. I will be there until 5, and then the friend that took me to the museum yesterday is picking me up to go get some dinner and hang out. I expect to be back home around 11, which is time to go to bed. As you can see, no time to eat!

Fasting - the first successful day

Finally a successful day! I didn't eat anything and all I drank was water, 1 diet coke and tea! I managed to do this by leaving the house around 10 this morning and coming back at 6 (I went to a museum with this friend of mine!), telling my mom I had already eaten, and reading an interesting book 'til now. Tomorrow I am leaving again around noon to go study in the local library, and I think I might meet a group of friends around dinner time, so that I can keep my mind off food!

Help

I am writing while crying. Something has happened but I don't know what. Today the scale said 133. How is that possible? How can I possibly have gained 4 pounds since yesterday? I don't understand... Could the scale be broken? Could I have read my weight wrong yesterday? Something is wrong but I don't know what. I wanna be skinny and pretty..